Finding the Supreme
Chapter 7 – The Casual God
I get the impression that god seems casual in his conversations with me because he is me.
When I talk to myself inside, I don’t try to sound like the Wizard of Oz behind the curtain with bursts of fire and smoke. Isn’t our inner dialog relatively offhand? It’s certainly impromptu, do we make appointments? “Bill, at 10 tomorrow morning I and me are going to have a meeting. I am going to get to the bottom of what you did yesterday to Norma. Do you realize how mean that was?” Doubtful. Maybe for fun. We might yell at ourselves, but not deliberately or like an other. We are intimate with ourselves, when in our right minds. When we rage at and insult ourselves, it’s not truly us, it is our egos.
God, being always in his right mind, is truly intimate with us. Gentle and loving eternally.
Here is another example of a meeting wrapped in his casual gentleness and intimacy.
“This morning as I was driving to work I passed a certain roadside canal as I always do when going that way, and given recent rains, it was very full. The water was slate brown, dimpling with a simple October rain, and I suddenly became aware of this alongside channel in a different, much more intimate way. I heard inside, “I am deep”, and it was unmistakably god. I felt a languid unrolling of benignity of the long canal bottom that spread immediately to all rivers, all oceans, all water, on earth. The waterness of god was vivid, a sense of supine female ease, delighted availability and intimacy with me; I was being invited to be involved with this feeling, this perception, of expansive liquid loveliness. A sense of godly glee underneath it all was streaming deeply in the canal, in the rivers, in the integration of world water. My delight was great, I witnessed, and was yet involved in being what was witnessed. The runner of all the universes was not busy. He was all present, undistracted, fully with. This was all for me. He did not want to be anywhere else, and neither of course did, could, I.
I did not think until now how god was also taking care of things every elsewhere, the thought then never dawned, god was all mine, for me, with me, glad for me to be, and I didn’t feel unworthy, I didn’t think, er, Sir, are you sure you have time for this? This part of it all was included, and inclusive, and it made it in an easy way, timeless.
Like everything I have experienced of this universal deity, this source of all, this infinite executive, nothing was a big deal. Except, perhaps, for him at that time, the I of me. I could not think very much, I could just be there. And happily, part of me was driving the car quite well.
As my attention returned to the road, the goingness of roadway echoed in some easy way the goingness of canal, they ran parallel in a sameness, and I was paddling downstream as it were.
In front of the car, a wet maple leaf caught the wind and tumbled the way I was going, and up jumped the experience of god as tumblingness, of the leaf as expression of the tumbling ability of what is, what can, what can choose to tumble in the wind, and the leaf was aware in general, and aware of me, and aware of its little show, and loving the tumble. For a minute second, all there was was tumblingness of leaf, teeny glee, this yellow brown leaf soaked in canal, was showing off. (Also, wet leaves don’t usually tumble in the wind, just try and rake them.)
But this one did. The grand father of all had stepped back, was watching me drive, watching his leaf, enjoying very much my enjoying. It was as if there really could not have been a more interesting, actually nicer, pirouetting, athletic leaf than this precise one and there was so much time to enjoy it with god. God was audience, god was companion, his gladness we shared this moment was normal, the usual thing, like he spends all his time witnessing us noticing.
He pays great attention to you. It is a great thing for him when you, yes, you, he is telling me to tell you personally so, notice his great enjoyment in leaf tumbling, acorn falling, water waving, eye blinking, love making, bulldozer driving, parliamentary boasting, there really isn’t anything not included. And our noticing so is one of his great thrills. Whew.
On this road arch from both sides large limbs over the cars, the road is straight, they are noticeable from long away, and in their Fall undress, something I have felt much before about the world disclosed itself, but now it was clearly of the god expression, not as formerly mostly the “thing” expression. Let me tell you first what it is and maybe it will make some sense.
It is the doingness of things. It’s their activity in the specific principles of how they express. So for the large and bold tree limbs, it was their lengtheningness that leaped out, the being of the angle at their departure from trunk, the perfect linear narrowing so they stay up while going out. It was the active principle of extension, or angleness, of precise occurring from all tree branch possibilities and all means of expressing, of this tree and each tree. There seemed an activity in expressing, a unified geometry all about extending up. For an absolutely vivid experience, it is really hard to relate.
Anyway, the being and the doing of the tree were joined by an intellect of concepts. Concepts of angles and linearity and how to do things that work perfectly. That were an articulation of god Being, and the being was active in the branches and in the branching. Branch, branching and branchness were together in a marvelous fun of description, of god saying “see?”
I couldn’t write this down for you in the car and I said how am I going to remember all this and he said don’t worry I’ll help you.
And he has. He invented wordiness too after all, or one supposes actually, before all.
Oh, he put a marvelous heron overlooking the canal too, as I went by, and it was statuesque dignity ready to strike. The clear meaning of integration of things was there in a full way, the canal existed for the heron, and the fish therein, the heron existed for the canal, they both fit in. God didn’t explain any of this; he just showed me. It was obvious. Rather like, this is how I do things. The vast diversity and extensibility of all things proceeded together each thing for each other.
We humans have figured this out with our brains, as lately we have begun to get and celebrate universal design, integration of Gaia, and so on, but this was felt. It was known. It was unmistakable, perfect, full of joy, godly giddy, very little seriousness or intellect involved but it was not play as is sometimes stated.
Resonantly and vividly obvious, it simply vanishes into the beautiful, gossamer, thin, indescribable.”
The above description of being and becoming I summarize as “is does”.
Another example of unity and the branching idea comes from a conversation with the worldwide experts in branching, the trees.
From the Trees – the trees are speaking here
“Tree wisdom is no different from human wisdom. Except that we are much more a collective than the human species at this time. As we communicate with each other through our root systems basking in ground water and this communion is nearly instant and all trees are part of it. We speak with one voice through the Many.
We are multiple beings and so are you. Even within each of us there are multiple beings; you think of them as seeds and this is so but they are also trees in embryo, not children of ours but fully formed beings expressing in a contracted state when they are seen in “seed” form.
You want to know about our “branching”. Yes it is a fractal phenomenon but it is also just treeness. You have marveled at how the outline of our forms are so perfectly consistent and that our smallest branches create a smooth profile against the sky! This is part of our loving of the sky and we do not normally present our brother sky with a ragged picture, we love more regular appearance and so does SKY; there are not for example usually ragged clouds, they have their own symmetry of expression. And as do humans; you have two arms, two legs, two eyes and so on. You are balanced! And as soon as you are able to express in your alpha states and your heart states the symmetry and balance that you exhibit so beautifully in your bodies you will blend more harmoniously into each other and into all nature, as do we. There is much we have to tell you, and perhaps best now for another time, we do not wish to overuse this openness to you. We are always here. Love us as we love you.
We give to you willingly! We give to you as lumber for your houses, and think how thereby we surround you! We have always been companions to humans and it is our joy. Our spokesman today (one tree was a spokesman) perceives you believe that it pains us to be cut up by you, you call it “felling” us but we do not fall we merely come down to you in service. We are a main source of your shelter. We are a main source of your warmth. We are a main source of your communications. We are intimate with you in thousands of ways. And there are times when you reciprocate, lovingly planting our young. We are combined, we are one.”
Here is a practical example of unifying intimately with god’s creations. The loving is reciprocal.
Becoming an Honorary Tree
Driving to an appointment a little stressed I said maybe I can talk to my buddy trees and they came right in and I said, hey guys I am a little hopped up think you could help. And right away they said, “Well hop right down”, and I saw a picture of me jumping out of a tree to the ground and feeling right away ‘grounded’ and better. I said you guys are always so calm, with a little envy and they said, “so we will make you an honorary tree! Welcome to us.” I felt all this acceptance and affection from the worldwide community of trees. It felt wonderful.
My morning changed and I was feeling marvelous and happy and affectionate towards everyone.
Later, driving again, I thought it is wonderful to be spread out among all the trees now and I felt extended and wide and light, diffused but real, I started thinking about how great it is to feel that I am the trees because I love them and this means also loving myself. I realized this is a real statement of how it is. We are what we see and loving it is equally loving us. With the correct knowing of who and what we are it’s easy to love self.
It then went beyond description. My field of connection and being went to everything I can think of, all people, sky, planets, earth, everything was all me. And I said to myself, “I Get It.” Meaning both I understand it and I Receive it. This is It.
I began wondering if I could remember this experience until I got home to write it down and immediately the awareness was, “Where would it go?” Nothing can be lost from me because I am everything. It is always somewhere in me and I need not worry about it. These feeling weren’t just satisfying, they were greatly dynamic. While completely stabilized, my thoughts were running around everywhere, up and down alleys and paths of thought and ideas, out to the stars and into the earth and into the inside of me, what I still knew as me, like an intimate historical identity that was expanded everywhere without even the slightest hint of thinking that I was sort of disappearing into everything, that was impossible because it was all a fine continuum of everything. Very hard to describe. Easy to know but very difficult to convey in words. Completely happy and intimate and dynamic and real.
I am not sure why it is called waking up. To me it feels more as if yesterday I was partial. I had only a limited experience of what everything is.
Now I know what One means. If I love you it is just as loving me. I never knew how to love me. Because I never thought it was allowed and that certainly I didn’t deserve it. But now the experience of loving you at the same exact time is me loving me and there is no way for it to change or be otherwise, there is no wiggle room of, well, that’s just a technique, a new age Rx to make us both feel better. No. It’s just knowing that who is doing the loving and who is loved are the same.
I extend to you just as intimately as I am what I used to think of as me. So you help me to love me without doing anything at all, which brings up great gratitude. And very crucially I know that for you it is the same, you extend your identity to me also and there is no problem or collision or logical disconnect, it’s a lovical connect.
Before, it made no sense to me that I create my own reality because I could not figure out how the other person was sovereign also and that they created their own reality which meant that I conditioned them and they conditioned me and that seemed impossible. But that’s not how it is. We’re one, we are part of the whole One that has nothing left out, is all, so they are in the pudding and I am in the pudding and it’s the same pudding and I’m a raisin and they’re a raisin which are just a specific part of the One that can be thought of or described comfortably, and the me they see is One and the they I see is One, while still both raisins, and neither of us actually “creates” any reality.
It’s given, the One is real and already created, and we see the raisin parts of us any way we want which doesn’t limit either of us because that is completely impossible. But it can be real fun to be raisins together. And then if wished we can isolate another part of the One and experience it as ourselves being perhaps birds. This is the best I can do to describe this. It’s hard to understand how yesterday there was a firm logical problem among two different identities creating each other as they wished, and today there isn’t a problem with it at all.
The problem isn’t invalidated as if by a higher and smarter ‘proof’ that yesterday’s idea was wrong. It’s simply that yesterday’s dilemma isn’t there any more. It was there. It’s not like it wasn’t. It’s not like it was a ‘wrong’ thing. It’s just like it doesn’t matter. It was something. But now it’s still something, but not interesting. I don’t understand how this is, but I also don’t feel like I need to understand it. The state of affairs where that something is not limited to what it seemed, is absorbed into just a wordless bigness, so there isn’t much of a way to ponder yesterday’s thoughts any more because they aren’t being replaced by new thoughts.
They are not being replaced by new thoughts that are better or smarter or more logical. It’s beyond description for me to state right now. It’s just the only way things are and have always been. That’s it, things never were the way they were yesterday, so there isn’t any motivation to think about them. I could, but why? I’m only thinking about them now to leave a little record for myself.
Archangel Michael just peeked in for a second and said, “Bill, there is much more”. Then he was gone.
Also I realize now why Ho’oponopono works. It’s because the other person really is me and because of that if they are hurting, I change that, first by apologizing, then asking for forgiveness, then avowing that I love them, and then thanking them for my loving them. I thank them for my loving them for the reason given above, that by loving them I love me.
I do not have to ask them to be different. By the apology and the statement of my loving, they are allowed to be just as nice to themselves as I am to me because I somehow must have left that part of me who is them, out of me when I was so focused incorrectly on who I though I was.
That is why the apology. The apology makes sense, I am apologizing to a part of myself for leaving that part of me out of me and letting that part – the then “other” person — become lost and miserable. It’s simple. This is why Ho’oponopono feels so very powerful and luminous and vibratory, because it is founded on an immense profundity of knowing how things really are.
Ho’oponopono is an ancient Hawaiian practice to bring healing to sender and receiver, and the receiver need not know it is being done. This practice works.
Unity with god and with his creation we have unfortunately turned exactly backwards in human history. The human assumption and even doctrine has been that we must deny ourselves in order to find god. Essentially we have thought that to find god we have to hate ourselves. We must deny ourselves and deny the world, love only other people and the postponed meeting with god in heaven. So we have to hate what is here and love what is not here because god is never here, he is waiting up there on a throne of judgment, and probably won’t like us much anyway upon that heavenly meeting, if it ever happens. Put this way, it seems absurd, but this is the way we put it.
Let’s imagine this fantasy dialog when my guardian angel goes to god to intercede for me.
“Sir, thank you for your time, I know you are busy running the cosmos and all. I am here to see you about Bill.”
“Ah, yes, isn’t he the one to whom I sent that wonderful woman? How’s his marriage?”
“Good, sir. Great kids too and they seem to like him okay.”
“Hmmmm, did I try the pillars of fire?”
“No sir, he’s pretty jumpy.”
“Ok, so none of that. I’ve whispered over and over that I love him, right? And that he ought to do the same so we can really get together, since I just don’t make bad stuff, yes?”
“Yes sir. And also he has had the education he wanted, success, great friends. Everyone seems to really like him except him. Basically, you have answered all his prayers, your Supremeness.”
“Gee, you know I really do love the guy. Now I remember him. He’s funny, self effacing, too much so, of course, wants to do the right things, doesn’t really mess up more than the average. Could lose a little weight. He even seems to get The Point, cosmic thoughts and so on. Has the committee met? What do they think is going on?”
“They met, Sir. They don’t understand him.”
“Alright, tell me, if he keeps going like the is, what’s he coming back as next?”
“An accountant in Bangladesh, Sir.”
“Well, that ought to do it. Call me then and I’ll save him from a few deadly accidents or something. Some of these fellows really need drama.”
I cannot jump over loving me to get to god. God is me, and that would mean jumping over god to get to god and then we ‘both’ would miss a part of him that he absolutely, totally, profoundly adores. The me part.
He could jump over himself of course to reach himself from inside me, but would that make any sense in forming a union? He doesn’t wish to skip over us. Why would he wish to? This is why if I do not love myself god seems farther away. Because no matter what I say if I do not like me I cannot genuinely love god, who after all created me. Instead I will blame god for all my misery and self defeat.
Maharishi Yogi expressed most of this idea beautifully. He compared meeting god to meeting a great artist whose work we love. He said if an artist hears that there is in the town a man who is overflowing with appreciation of the artist’s creations and who goes to see them all the time, deeply loves the work of this wonderful man, the artist would say “Let me go and meet this one who loves my work so much.” And he would do so, find the man and shake his hand.
Surely if the artist heard the reverse, that someone hated everything he made, there wouldn’t be much sense in arranging a meeting.
So if I hate me, and all the world, all of which is made by the supreme, and if knowing that god made me I still hate me, it follows that I don’t appreciate god. These ends just do not follow these means.
The full knowing is more than this. The full knowing goes as follows. We are god, though may not yet so know. Being god means that we are all of god. God is everything. If you are everything you cannot be only part of everything though you can convince yourself of that.
Yes you are part of everything also, but this means you are also everything. Even a little bit of infinity is infinite. Totality expresses as a hologram and we might say a fractal hologram to describe its nature as sideways and up and down. So if you try to think of you as only part of god, meaning separated from his fullness, then can we see that we are asking god to not be god? We are asking god to do what we do, skip over his me, which is all god, to get to all god?
To reverse this entire dilemma and find god, we need to start where we find ourselves. I start as me. You start as you. This is where we are born. Can we see that per the calculus of our actual genuine eternal identity which we really are, all we have to do is experience that? Experience who we really are. We will like that. We will love that. It’s quite unimaginable how much we will love that, that’s why we have to experience it and not try to think it out.
Find the true self and our loving of our true self then invites and allows god to disclose to us the incredible rest. It’s allowing, by clearing an agenda of the opposite.
The incredible rest is that the supreme is vividly there. He has always been vividly there, and always vividly here. We are both vividly there and here. The incredible rest is that nobody has ever gone anywhere. The supreme takes the initiative once we signal we are ready by loving everything he creates, including ourselves. In deep grateful love he reclaims himself – his “me”. And then it feels certain that the incredible rest goes anywhere, everywhere, and forever. As AA Michael said, “… there is much more…”
Love had never left love but it returns to love. And this is the incredible rest. At last we can truly rest. We are the rest. We are at rest. We simply allow what is, to be what is. It was so simple it eluded me.
~God does it all~