There are no steps to is. God is is.
If there is a mystery in our reality, we are it; the mystery is how can perfect love feel separate from perfect love?
Knowing God is a shift of attention, and attention shifts automatically by itself all day long sometimes many times a second. Actually, finding the Supreme is an unstep, for all we need to do is stop withholding our attention from the divine self that every single one of us is.
You know how a baby will close her eyes and pretend that you can’t see each other?
It is exactly like that.
This discussion unfolds like a hologram, with every part enclosing and being enclosed by the whole. It is like seeds enclosing seeds that all blossom as we look. As we unblind our attention. As we elaborate the awareness of god he merely spirals up and down within us like a fractal and he invites us to browse up and down his fractalness in greater and lesser size of manifestation as we realize there is no non God.
It is hoped the further unwinding of the brilliant open unhidden reality of the divine in the rest of these pages you do experience as summaries of the whole. Stop whenever you feel complete. Whenever you feel you got it. You do got it. You always have and your attention shifts naturally to that it as the summary unwinds and you and the divine witness each other more and more.
A friend used to say, “It was so simple, it eluded me!”
You may note that here god is capital but he is not capitalized. That is by request.
Our single ‘task’ is to let our attention shift by itself to who we really are. Discover who we really are and we find us adorable. One falls in love with the real one of our dreams and also finds this one is always there. It’s like a permanent dance card where every day is the prom.
Then when you have let yourself love yourself enough, God comes to you eagerly. The eagerness and joy with which God comes to you is not often reported. My experience of God’s gratitude happened one day like this:
I was having concerns about my life. I heard, “I will take care of you”, and I saw in inner vision a crescent moon figure, luminous yellow orange with calm and great love projecting to me. I asked ‘Who are you?”, and it said, “Your Divine Self”.
A few days later I was driving to an appointment. I asked my divine self “How can we change the world?”
Divine self said “this has to be passed through to Full God”.
Then there came down through divine self into my chest a huge golden glow that moved into my torso, arms and legs and then up through my head through my crown chakra and straight up as blinding white light, the presence of overwhelming love.
And Full God said, “Let them have this experience”.
It is basically indescribable, but in some attempt to help provide what God asked, here is what it felt like.
God expanded out of me into everything I was seeing — the trees and everything that was between me and the trees, the space formerly perceived as empty, was vibrating with love.
Then God said, “I know everything you’ve been through, I know everything about you, and everything you have been through I have been there with you.”
Then he said “I know every cell in your body”. I was fragmenting with joy.
Then he said “I have been waiting for this more than you have. I have you at last.” I began to feel the overwhelming joy of God to be with me. It was astounding and kept getting bigger, his joy kept increasing, his joy at my knowing Him fully and finally. I was filled with gratitude and amazement indescribable that the source of all love was increasingly fulfilled by loving me, and the awareness of safety and love I felt went completely beyond description. I could not believe it. Wasn’t this backwards? Am I not supposed to be the overjoyed one? By desperately claiming God, I was making Him happier than I could conceive. Than I still can conceive.
I began thinking of describing this experience to the friend I was going to see as multiple kinds of energy including a physical glowing love. Then God said “There is much more”, and then He said “This is all the God that you can handle right now.” The feeling of regard and protection was beyond belief. He loved me beyond measure so much that he would protect me from being loved more by Him than He knew I could tolerate. Even though I did not know what that could mean.
This experience was so integrating and safe and pure and calming in the midst of infinity, that I was still driving. I passed a lake, and I was thinking of putting my wrists into the cool water, and trying to feel the consciousness of God in the water, and God said “You need Me right now.” I know he meant I needed this experience of the golden glow of full God, and not any other expressions of God such as trees, lakes or anything else. He said I needed the total ineffability of God filling me right now. God was mother, father, protector, doctor, friend, all beings I can imagine who have regard for me.
God feels like a personality and a universality at the same time. There are personal and impersonal aspects of God simultaneously perceived. The personality of God was ultimately so. Not just an ultimate personality, but ultimately a personality, and there felt like a difference. The personality of God is not an abstraction. It is, if this can be imagined, casual.
The universality of God was impersonal, everywhere present and infinite as perfection.
To restate, because it is so deeply wonderful, God is not a person, but he is a personality. A friend. Who just wants to know us, have us know Him, have us be Him and be together. A parent who has lost us for millions of years and now has us back again as we have now opened to Him, and he is more fulfilled than before. God is fulfilled when we come back to Him, this feels impossible to relate, but it was clear in the midst of the experience, and I can feel it now as a continuing reality. I know it just is, and I am no longer discovering it.
The feeling was the golden glow of energy and love, and the hugest feeling of “all right” I could possibly fit in to my consciousness. The relief was inexpressible. Finally, I thought, finally, oh my God, finally, after longing so long, after so very, very long, and so very, very much yearning, I am With, I am There, I am Here, I am inhabited and surrounded by Love, and I am He, I know who I am, and we are Him. That is to say, I know that God and I are God.
The knowing was that it has always been like this, it is like this now, and it always will be like this. There is nothing else because there cannot be anything else.
This is enough, this is more than enough, this is right, this is It. I was crying.
I deserve this, you deserve this, every particle of creation deserves this, and they all have it because they all are it.
We have always had it. The experience of not having it, has been part of having it. Even the experience of not having God is created within the extreme reality of having God. The actual components of the forgetting of God are disclosed as having always been particles of God. The forgetting of being God is also made of God. The boundaries of the experience of not-God-ness are actually made up of God-ness. And the actual experience of not God is made up out of the materials of God. There is absolutely no way out of it. This is a PERCEPTION, not a conception, it is a procession of EVIDENCE. It is as if the monolith of truth dropped onto a beach and you took somebody to it and showed them and said, SEE, there it is. This thing exists, touch it, and they do and they have to say yes, whatever this is, it exists. It’s like that. Period. There can be more discussion but that is pointless, and you won’t discuss its validity once you know it.
It so is.
The question of “‘what came before you, God?” is not even slightly interesting. It doesn’t come up. It’s not even funny, not even laughed out of existence. It just isn’t actually askable.
I said “God don’t leave me”, and He said “Where would I go?” I said, “Then please don’t let me leave you.” And He didn’t say anything, but He sent the knowledge that this is up to me as it always has been. This is the only part of my experience that did not feel perfect.
On the way home from my appointment:
I think God manifests to each of us in a way consistent with our personal identity. I like to tease, I often tease as a way to show love. So on the way home when I was on the road where God came in that day, he flagged me down and asked for a ride! God was hitchhiking! Oh my how fun. I mean that was the feeling of it, those are the thoughts that came when I thought, “where is God now?” It was an inner visual of this golden glow by the side of the road with a Godly thumb out.
Of course I said climb aboard, but then I had to purposely go “through” Divine Self to really feel God there again like before. When I did feel Him in the same full way, I was looking to see if God went out into the trees like before, but he hadn’t. But when I thought of Him ‘out there’, he suddenly was out there, and I got the clearest feeling that I could and should ‘direct’ God where to go. This is so far out of the paradigm I grew up with that I didn’t know what to think of it. But God was quite happy about it.
One of the mind-blowing things about this experience was feeling god’s gratitude. I had trouble integrating this with the traditional descriptions of god I grew up with. As stated above, I thought this gratitude went one way.
I remembered an also puzzling passage in a book about god I had read years before:
“The absolute perfection of the infinite God would cause him to suffer the awful limitations of unqualified finality of perfectness were it not a fact that the Universal Father directly participates in the personality struggle of every imperfect soul in the wide universe who seeks, by divine aid, to ascend to the spiritually perfect worlds on high. This progressive experience of every spirit being and every mortal creature throughout the universe of universes is a part of the Father’s ever-expanding Deity-consciousness of the never-ending divine circle of ceaseless self-realization.”
page 29, The Urantia Book, soft cover edition
This blew my mind too when I read it originally. It didn’t make sense that we did anything for god. After the beautiful experience granted me above, however, two things seem to go together.
- As a personality, he misses us just like we miss our children if we are not able to intimately know each other. And reunions are pure joy. This also seems to explain the casual nature of direct conversation with god. Some may remember the John Denver line “… talk to God and listen to the casual reply …”
- As an infinite and perfect reality, eternity would be boring for god unless he created us to evolve along with him and experience our experience and especially our experience of not knowing him followed then by the enthralling bliss of our mutual discovery.
I think they went a little overboard with the ‘suffer the awful limitations of unqualified finality…’, etc. part. It is very hard to imagine a suffering infinite god, but what do I know about it theoretically? I ‘know’ only my experience above, which was just of love. And was hugely enough.
All along my journey I thought I knew myself too well to love myself at all. But that was incorrect. I did not know myself too well, I knew a bunch of what R.D. Laing in the 1960’s book The Divided Self called “false self systems” too well. I knew who I showed to others. These are the parts of me that were obvious to me, because they were always suffering and always calling out for help, so they made much noise. The non obvious part of myself was the real self, and it only whispered so at first I never heard.
This somewhat frustrating fact that god starts talking to us in a whisper is explained in A Course in Miracles by the statement, that the holy spirit whispers because there is no conflict in him. In the Course, the holy spirit is explained as “the voice for God”. Shouting and pillars of fire not necessary.
At first we can’t hear much because there is conflict within our self. As one finds out who one really is, this conflict dies, and then we can hear God quite clearly. Two people in conflict shout at each other and nobody hears. Two people in love merely gaze at each other, and hear everything the other feels.
The advice to “love yourself” is backwards. Try “yourself love” in place of this. Self comes first. Then the love. Find the real self. Find it. Then the love of self is just there.
We are impostors
We have been trained from birth to be spies in our own lives. This is why the self we know from childhood is often not liked by us. You know incoherently it’s not real. You know you are not authentic.
We should give up trying to love ourselves until we uncover who to love. When you uncover the one to love in you, it becomes you, and then it is love at first sight. It’s automatic. It is love at every sight. You can’t wait to wake up in the morning to hang out with yourself.
My experience for the longest time was I woke every morning and said “Oh, God.” Once thing changed I woke up every morning and said “Oh, God!”
When you fell in love in your first romance did you think, well, there they are. I really better fall completely in love with them. It’s going to be hard but I can do it. I want hearts and flowers and romance and songs in the spring and everything. Sigh, I know I can do it, let’s go.
Of course not. You couldn’t help it. They say you get attacked by love, you get shot by an arrow, it’s a shock, it rolls you over.
Or maybe it crept up on you slowly, but it came with the force of lava. One day you realized your heart was in flames.
It’s like that. One day you look in the mirror and there is no mirror, it just disappears and there you really are, the most beautiful human you have ever seen and you see below the skin, below the appearance, it is somehow all rolled into one perception, there you are, and where have you been all my life!? Wrinkles? Acne? The most beautiful things I have ever seen.
It may be a lovely shock. How could someone like me love someone like me? How could I even like somebody like me? That famous bon mot by Groucho Marx that he wouldn’t join a club that would admit him has done quiet damage to many selves. Rueful recognition isn’t healing. As a Transcendental Meditation teacher used to say to us, “We are all doomed to bliss”. Yes, and we are all doomed to true self. If we speed up the (inevitable) doom of the ego, the little self, to real us, then we move up what is masked by the postponement of the inevitable. God.
So, isn’t it therefor a paradox that the self before we know what it is has the power to withhold us from God? God so loves the world that he gives it the power to deny him. He doesn’t want somebody that he forces to love him.
Once you fell in love in your first romance, then did you discount everybody else? Did you fall in love with only “him”, or “her”? Of course not, The cliche of love is that the true lover loves everything. Everybody’s beautiful. Everybody’s sweet, you are in love.
One ‘task’. One ‘task’ only. Who am I really? Then all else is done for me. From that point, All That Is takes over and we simply inherit everything there can be. It’s an inheritance; but nobody died. Somebody suddenly lived.
A friend in a meditation group once said to me, “For a long time now I have been experiencing life as a series of hints.” The hints are the true self whispering to the less true self. One thing is to pay attention to the hints. It might seem like paying attention to the hints is doing something, but since we are always paying attention to something anyway casually shifting our attention is really not like doing anything, it’s not doing very much.
Our attention shifts all the time, it’s part of being human. How about the way billboards catch our attention? Do we do anything to look at it? Does anybody think, “Know what? On the way to the airport I really want to see the billboards.” Isn’t it more like we realize we are looking at a billboard after our attention shifted to it by itself? Our awareness can be simply that we are aware, and then our attention automatically shifts inside. Once it shifts itself inside, there are the hints. Once it shifts inside as awareness. Once you shift inside, aware that you are awareness watching awaremess go inside of itself.
Again, this is really not about steps that you do, the steps are done for us automatically, once we simply allow a certain style of attention that is already there. The correct or useful style of the attention is built in, and it actually isn’t anything that we go out and get. Really, it’s just something that we sort of trip over. This style of attention could be known simply as noticing. Since we already automatically notice without trying, usually without noticing, it’s not doing, it’s not-doing. All we ‘do’ is let the attention fall on things. Letting is undoing, not doing, allowing is just being. Allowing attention to go where it wants to really go, is one of the correlates of who we actually are. And where it wants to go is within. When the billboards grab our attention, that’s not our desire, it’s the desire of the people who earn their living by making billboards. They study for a career in how to grab us. This god does not do. He does not intend to grab us, he intends to let us find who we actually are, and then, there he is.
It is important to realize that we do not “pay” attention, we invest it. The idioms in our language are often misleading; attention isn’t a debt. When we invest our attention in something we make a profound commitment and we use a precious resource to do so.
Louise Hay said that “The only thing over which we have any control is our current thought.”
And the currency of each thought is the currency in which we invest our attention. The currency of our attention is of immense worth, and if we let our attention shift without watching it, we let it default to advertising, to the billboard makers, to the marketing activities of a world designing itself to hooking our attention by increasingly sophisticated means.
We let it default to noticing only the things in our lives that try most loudly to claim us. God does not attempt to fight off those claimants on our behalf. He never says “what about me?”, because for god it is all about us. Once I was fretting in a discussion with him, and he said, “Whatever you want.” That shut me right up, which wasn’t his objective, but I wasn’t learning anything by complaining.
Another time I was transported by divine bliss and in raptures of delight and I said, “Oh God, you can have me if you want me!” And god said, “I can have you if you want me!” I’m still embarrassed about that one a little, but I also find it to be extremely funny and I believe god did too. I had the most important thing in the universe precisely backwards. He had replied with a kind of rueful smile.
So wherever I let my attention place itself without watching it, meaning be unaware that it is happening, I invest growth in the target of my awareness. I finance the expansion of what I am seeing. And if I don’t monitor where my attention goes and let the most vivid things capture it, I am giving away my most valuable asset. I am essentially inviting its theft.
When we allow our attention on our intention, we have started to allow our journey back to the divine. Eventually awareness will wander inside us. And it will eventually, if we continue allowing it, notice the witness of our attention, which is our god self.
I’m trying to convince you that you don’t have to do anything. This is very important. I’m going to put words in your mouth, but I think you will accept them: You don’t have time to do anything more, even to discover the Supreme fact of life. You are just too busy to find you. You can’t do it, or you would’ve already done it. And if you’ve already done it, you would not be reading this book. So, ‘doing’ is out. There is no time for more doing. ‘Doing’, is a way to stay embedded in who you think you really are, which is an inaccurate thought.
Let’s try not-doing. Let’s let. Let’s let attention shift around where it will on its own for a little while and just see what happens. Let’s watch it shift. See what it does. Where does that little doggie of attention go when we are watching? What corners does it sniff in? What’s it snooping on in the yard? Where does it go? Isn’t it always looking for something? What actually is it looking for?
Our attention is our most important thing. Our attention is sacred. We should watch it like we watch a sport. Where is this ball of attention going to go? How? Why? Who kicks it? Who catches it?
Yoda had unhelpful advice when he said “Do not try. Do. That is why you fail” . But of course Yoda wasn’t actually trying to realize god. Maybe he had it already.
And ‘doing’ is perfectly fine on the other side of finding god because you realize then you actually never did anything and can’t yourself, in the self you know before you find your true self, really do anything anyway, but that’s for a later discussion.
A quick note on “why”. Asking this is always a waste of time, it usually causes pain, and I recommend that you forget about asking why. About anything important anyway. Asking why it’s cold in the living room is fine to investigate. Asking why we don’t know who we really are yet, is not fun to ask, it’s dangerous, and ultimately useless. And it isn’t paying attention to whether or not you already know.
It’s basically a guarantee not to find you if you ask all the time why you haven’t found you.
The ego is that little voice that’s always getting our attention and telling us to watch out. Actually this is poor advice because what we should be doing is watching in, watching until the attention wanders IN by itself, and then we watch in, not out. This is the voice that’s easy to identify, because it’s always frightening us and saying and how to be safe by listening to this yammering little scared immature kid that seems to care so much for us.
When the attention wanders In, when the wandering mental puppy happens to look inside, then we know to look, watch him, see what happens. And notice also that the ego isn’t interested in what’s inside you. He won’t go in with you. He can’t.
You can mentally take him, the ego, and perch him on your left or right shoulder. I recommend you be kind to him, because he is obviously easily terrified. Then give him a job. You can say “Eggy, I’d like you to drive. I’m telling you where to go, but you can run the brakes since you’re pretty good at being scared.” You might let the ego make the shopping list. You might assign it to help you do the practical things. Give some assignments, and see how it does. You can then sit back and learn to smell the roses. Without worrying if they need to be clipped, fertilized, mulched, sprayed, photographed, or pruned. Eggy can worry about all that.
If Eggy feels useful, and knows you are not out to kill him off, it may very well settle down and stop pushing God away from you. Scaring the ego, threatening it, being angry at it, cajoling it, don’t work very well and take a long time. While we are here in 3-D, an ego is actually very useful. It gives us time to do the important things like nothing.
Hire yourself a president of your Me corporation. “Wanted: One Ego to run the obvious while I lean back and find out what really matters.” And you stay Chairman of the Board. You set policy. The ego executes, well, pun intended. You’ll need to run out and get a desk to put your feet up on and simply watch what’s going on, like a good business owner does. Successful owners pretty rarely drive the trucks, although maybe they should to see how tough it is. It’s not a great analogy, but let the ego drive the trucks, the job basically stinks, and let us make the big decisions.
Another strategy is to recognize that the ego is God also. (See the chapter on Boundaries.) Let it know that you know that, it will be stunning news to him, and then the ego will know there is no place to go except into service to who you really are. Immediately, everybody’s happy, and you can get on with your spiritual essence.
So getting rid of the ego is easy, because it’s not who truly are. You befriend it, and be kind to it because this serves both of ‘you’. There is no need to worry about the ego. To calm down the ego, treat it with kindness just like how to calm down everything else.
“Everyone would like to meet God. Even those people who don’t believe in Him would like to meet him. If they believed it was possible to speak with God they would be the first ones to sneak on the line.” (Paraphrased from his talk “Shaking Hands With God”)
-Maharishi Mahesh Yogi
Growing in identity as God is a seamless continuum of change. In the digital age we tend to think in binary, either I’m God or I’m not. Either I’m in the 3rd dimension or I’m in the 5th dimension.
But really, growth is much more gentle and continuous than this; I experience that I slide up and down. Up in frequency, down in frequency, up a little, down a little, all day long. Change in frequency changes my reality. Change in frequency changes what I see as real. And some of the reality states are more comfortable than others. Each frequency change alters what we perceive as reality. When we are really down, we could think of what Thaddeas Golas said in The Lazy Man’s Guide to Enlightenment,
“What am I doing in a place where this is real?”
Once I asked god if infinity was enough. And he said “Of course it’s not enough, that’s why there are an infinite number of them.” So there is plenty of space to move around in; if we change reality when we change our frequency, there is much room for different reality experiences to take birth in.
The truth found inside is the same for each person who finds it. But for each individual the exposure and disclosure of it may be quite a different process. The way out is the way in, but there are lots of different ways in.
Ancient traditions emphasize gaining enlightenment (Ascension) all at once in a burst called Satori. Digitally. ‘Binaryially’. Snap-to-grid. But currently mass ascension is occurring in a continuum of increasing bliss. It is more of an analog situation than a digital, binary one. We are not ever 100% in one ‘level’ of ascension.
At the bottom of the frequency band we are in, we experience the world as physical and we interpret ourselves as physical also. As our frequency increases we start to perceive our expanded Self, AKA Higher Self. Continuing expansion permits us to experience ourselves more as our Soul, and then we may perceive ourselves at an angelic level and ultimately God claims us as his truth and our truth.
It’s a sliding scale. Frequency changes with mood and time of day and energy level; when tired we are usually at a slower frequency. When love predominates as an experience, our frequency is quickened and we can live at more expanded states of beingness. Love is an infinite frequency.
So there are faster frequencies and slower frequencies in the universe. The common tendency is to refer to them as “higher” frequencies and “lower” frequencies. I would rather say “faster” and “slower” because there is the obvious unhelpful assumption that higher is better than lower. There is quite enough judgment of better/worse in the evaluation of consciousness. I suggest more spiritual is not more better, it’s just more faster. Faster feels better. Faster frequency is stronger, more flexible, hardier, more able, more multi-tasking, calmer, more expanded, more loving, inclusive, fun, cooler, and an incredible cosmic relief. It is just really worth it.
Not to slow our frequencies, but did the bible say someone was coming to “Judge the Quick and the Dead” ? I suppose the dead were the slower guys, and the quick are the faster ones? We could be only one of them? Dead or Quick? In keeping with the theme here of a sliding scale of frequencies instead of static categories, perhaps slower is deader and quicker is more alive. This goes with our experience also, we say, “I woke up dead”. I sure woke up extremely slow but not stopped. Or, I’m moving fast today. A good thing. I’m moving fast today, I’m at a high vibration, I’m really alive! Catch me if you can. Catch me if you want to be less dead.
Don’t you think that’s why we call livelier a “quickening”? The dictionary definition of quicken is quite fascinating,
“…to revive; restore life to: ‘The spring rains quickened the earth’ “.
They sure do. And since we dipped “down” (quickly) into biblical consciousness, let’s go back ‘up’ and realize that a quickened frequency Raineth Down Grace From The Heavens Upon Us And Lo, We Are Made Pretty Darn Happy.
It’s actually very important to chose terms about frequency carefully since better/worse thinking is always a slower frequency. If you make better/worse thoughts as moral ones rather than efficacious ones about ascension frequencies, you are standing on your bootstraps. What does vocabulary matter? What do word choices matter? Words are sounds and sounds are frequencies. So it’s ‘better’ not to use better. It’s more effective not to interpret higher frequency as morally superior. The whole superior/inferior dialog should be chucked.
For a good treatment of how words we choose affect our thinking, expectations, and the reality we create, you might want to see Hidden Language Codes by R. Neville Johnston.
The quicker we are the more we don’t comprehend judgments about better or worse. The less we understand judgment and the less we enclose judgment. It just falls away. Judging judgment is a waste of time. Just climb the frequencial ladder and much that is not useful is less present in your reality. Its a lot better not to be better, and its a lot faster to be faster.
I like to think quicker/slower over better/worse or higher/lower.
Please notice how we are staying out of blaming religions for inculcating in the vocabularies of the entire human race, and hence deeply embedding in the very consciousness of the entire human race for thousands of years, that more spiritual is higher and higher is hierarchy, and humans higher in hierarchies are better humans and better means superior and it means you are better than others. And if you are not higher, you are clearly lower, and lower is disgusting. Sorry.
Heaven is higher, earthly is lower. Heaven is more good and earth is more bad. Mud is not good, clouds are good. Mountains are spiritual, valleys are deadly. (It’s a valley of death, not a mountain of death.) So wind must be better than water, sky trumps fields, up bests down, tall is better than short, more holy, actually.
Therefore, don’t eat because food is at ground level . Obviously this whole way of thinking is ridiculous. I’d throw it all out.
Frequencies are an experience, they are not identities. Our true human identity is the fastest frequency there is. This is who we truly are. Don’t believe it, just ask god (he is laughing now about this as he writes it) and the only variable is that an infinite frequency can experience a lower frequency as its reality. (“What am I doing in a place where this is real?”
Thigh-slapping guffaw from god right now. Very unseemly.
Because He doesn’t ever, ever, seem.
Does not exist. It’s just slow love, in the same way that matter is slow light. (I see I couldn’t slip that one by you, then, very good. I’ll come back to it.)
Slow love is clumsy. If you think that hate really exists, notice that all the time it’s trying to tell you that it isn’t real. It is always is trying to tell us that it really is masquerading love.
Poetry is not for everyone but following is actually the clearest way I have found to express this quite subtle and counter-intuitive finding that love and hate are the same.
Walking A Way
walking is like
as much as it is like
not planting first foot
not pushing off
not shifting haunch
not swinging next foot
not walking has a not
every single where walking does not
have a not
not walking is a complete exact faithless copy
every thing you precisely do
when you walk
you precisely don’t do
when you don’t walk
there is no difference
except the un
not eating is not like walking or like not walking
it instead is not chewing not tasting not swallowing
making it more like eating than it is like walking or
not walking or
anything else or
not anything else
not walking is the closest thing there can be
to walking, its unskin its closest
is as much like everything
now come with me
off the cliff,
why hating is
like nothing else
but the similar obsession
© William Sterling
We could say, what seems to be hate, is very slowly vibrating love. It’s ignorant love. It wants exactly the same closeness that love wants, but it does not know how to go about it. So it tries to control, and imprison the object of its attention so it cannot get away.
If someone loves me, they can’t stop thinking about me. If someone hates me, they can’t stop thinking about me.
Hate can obsess over me by cruelty, even torture, manipulation, all the objectives of which are to keep me as close as possible. If somebody really hates me, they don’t want to leave me alone. If they technically leave me alone in 3D reality, their thoughts don’t leave the thought of me alone. If I really hate myself, I also refuse to leave myself alone. If I hate myself, everything’s all about me. Who I believe I am never leaves my awareness. It is only the illusion of me that I can hate, because it’s impossible to do anything but love who you really are, as soon as you find you. Bump into the real you in a dark room and all the lights come on everywhere.
When I am hating the false me, it’s difficult for other items to get into my awareness because my awareness is fully clogged up with who I think I am and what I don’t like about it. I am therefore always trying to change me. I become my priority project. I am my own obsession. If I am a supermodel I might think my lips are too thin, and so all I can see are my lips. It is just as if I loved my lips, I look at them all the time, but in distaste. I see my lips in the mirror, but in the mirror image of appreciation, IE, distaste. Precisely like appreciation, but reversed. There are two mirrors in my vanity. The one that shows me my lips, and the one that shows me that distaste and appreciation have identical effects.
When a pickpocket sees a saint, he sees only the pockets. It’s all about to what do we attend. Our attention is where we attend. Its the school we send ourselves to. What we intend is where we attend.
But if I love myself, I am free to think about anything. I need not think about myself all the time. I am free to investigate and appreciate nature, nurture, everything. I can give attention to others, get the light out of seeing their perspectives which may be very different from mine. Whereas if I think I hate them, I am always trying to force their perspective into being the same as my own because I don’t trust my own. When I love myself, everything else becomes interesting, too. Appreciation flourishes inward, and outward everywhere.
Anton Checkov is supposed to have said, “To a chemist, there is no such thing as a bad smell.”
I’d like to say that, to a lover, there is no such thing as hate.
If I don’t like myself, I don’t actually trust my own perspective. Because nothing seems to be working out, so how could my perspective makes sense. Ideologues and fanatics of all types insist everyone believe what they say they believe, so that it will help them feel they are right. And if they are right, then they are okay, and if they are okay, they can like themselves. These behaviors are doomed, and the way back from them is hardly easy. Of course, the fanatic, the torturer, the ideologue, the hater, have all trapped themselves in deep suffering. Which is ironic, but irony is always lost on ideologues.
One wants to think the image of the self imprisoned hater is funny, but these spiders are trapped in webs, and it is just very sad. The only solution for severely lost ones, is their own pain. If they hurt themselves enough by hating others, they might stop it. Just like we, who eventually turn our own beautiful love on ourselves, these ones do the same, turning their inverted love upon themselves resulting in ether shocked realization and change, or death. Love always reflects back to the self, whether it is the highly vibrating love or the slowly vibrating love of hate, it always goes back home.
When I am in love with self, all this bizarre complexity is not present. Love is infinitely simpler than its apparently opposite, the tricky, meaningless, hurtful, tedious, banal, and illusory inverse double we call hate.
This seems like a great time for a discussion of truth.
A few years ago I asked my higher self “What is true?” The answer came back in the snappy way the higher self always replies, “Everything is true.”
I dismissed it as my lower mind fooling around with me. It seemed remarkably unhelpful.
But over the years that reply has improved. Even when I first heard it the answer was etched in emphasis, a kind of word glow. Which everything has from our higher selves. You may perceive it in a different way, but everyone having a chat with their higher self experiences that each reply has a ring, a specialness about it. Visual or auditory or in other ways, in a genuine reply from the higher self this quality is always there.
Everything is true. What a bizarre idea. Once you seriously start searching for truth, it’s addictive.
It’s crazy, really. Truth is like crack cocaine. Once you taste it, you can’t stop. If I’ve got it, you don’t. If I’m right, you’re wrong. If we both have it, don’t you make any changes because you’ll make me wrong. The historical beat goes on and truth becomes a killer. The killer.
But If everything is true, the props go out from under the truth podium. A whole host of nice things suddenly happen. Tolerance. Agreement. Harmony. Alliance. Security. Peace. It’s a long and welcome list. It’s true. And then and I think only then, we can forget about truth. We are the truth.
Hopefully it’s coming clear that he only way out of the human dilemma is to discover you. And the easiest way to discover you is to let your attention go into free fall, inside of you. Since letting isn’t doing, its not-doing, there really isn’t anything to do to find you. It’s more like saying “Lets see seeing see.” Watch your attention look around in there. See what is. Attention and watching are the same, and the attention wanders on its own. Which is why you can notice that that there are no steps to is.
Next we will take a look at how boundaries seem to separate us from our real self, and therefore from God, but really don’t.